


Tactical Healer Girlfriend

by TacticalBisexualWritter



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Bullying, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Secret Crush, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Sexting, Suicide Attempt, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, im trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27780619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacticalBisexualWritter/pseuds/TacticalBisexualWritter
Summary: How would Taylor react to her virtual friend being an acclaimed cape?Who would have told Amy her best and only friend is actually a supervillain?With a pinch of lesbian romance for more angsty results!
Relationships: Amy Dallon | Panacea | Red Queen & Taylor Hebert | Skitter | Weaver, Amy Dallon | Panacea | Red Queen/Taylor Hebert | Skitter | Weaver
Comments: 43
Kudos: 235





	1. We are burning chaos in the wind

“Why are people evil?” Asked Taylor Hebert to herself, while getting out of the shower and frantically rubbing her hair with a towel, paranoid of still having whatever kind of shit Sophia and the others threw at her in the school toilets. She was used to the abuse, she was used to enduring it, but what kept bugging her head was that question “Why are people evil? Why was she picked for this abuse?”

“Guess I'm not cut out for philosophy” She thought, turning on the computer in her room, an old machine her father salvaged from one of his offices before they upgraded them, it was ugly, slow, and noisy, but it did the job of letting her search for info on local capes and chat. The former was a necessity since she had powers herself and wanted to be one, so knowing what capes and villains are in the city and what abilities they had was vital, and later was one too, the need to socialize so she didn´t go crazy before hitting her twenties. 

She finished getting dressed, and when she turned around the screen already showed the desktop, with a lot of patience, she got through the jankiness and slowness of the old piece of junk to get to the PM section of the Wikicape.  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: Hey, you there.

Breadmaker: Yep, today is a Friday with no plans.

Totally_Not_A_Spider: Like every Friday.

Breadmaker: Yeah, the losers Friday special!!

She met Breadmaker when she got interested in the Wikicape, coinciding with the acquisition of her powers, discussing how most physical powers are faster than the mental ones since, for them, their powers were like “breathing”, while mental powers users had to think around their powers to make them work, and in a direct fight that would be doom.  
They ended talking all that night about mental powers by PM, which was very educational for Taylor since she had none experience more than just using her powers and thinking of learning what powers did the capes around the city have. 

What started as a pure conversation over how powers work, ended up being a virtual friendship that Taylor has learned to appreciate, especially on days like this.

“Why are people evil?” Amy Dallon asked herself, as she looked at the laptop and read about the hardships and punishments her only friend suffered at the hands of her classmates.  
Her Friday was just slightly better, knowing she was gonna be the entire day alone, she skipped classes simulating a simple fever, her room was disorganized with some bags of snacks lying around in the bed, and an energy drink can on the bedside table. 

If Carol and Mark or her sister were here, the room would be in the most absolute order, but of course, they weren't here, she wouldn't have skipped classes otherwise, and if it were a Friday afternoon with them on the house, she would be at the hospital, healing as Panacea, as much as she hated it, it was a more pleasant activity than pretending to be perfect.

Appearances, Appearances… that's the only thing that mattered in this house, the absolute need of looking good, perfect, and immaculate like the white they all used on their heroes costumes. The only one who Amy could stand was Vicky, and of late she was insufferably sticky to her boyfriend Gallant, Amy didn't care that Vicky had a boyfriend, she cared that it was Gallant, who was a complete asshole, even if only her could see it, and the superfluous need he showed on ruining Amy´s day by caring about her “feelings”.  
Yes, having someone who could scan your mood was torture when you are depressed and on the brink of breaking while trying to hide everything. That's where this person called Taylor goes in, it all started with dumb private discussions about capes, discussing power levels around them, etc. 

She doesn't remember who broke first, but she guessed that as lonely they both were, they had no other option than crying to the only person they talked to daily, even if it were about if Eidolon could curb stomp Alexandria giving enough prep time, and so when one broke the other broke too, like dominoes falling, surprised by how relatable the other´s feelings were.

As harsh as it sounds, Taylor was the first to ever hear the words "I can't keep going" come from her mouth, well-read rather than hear, but it had the same effect on Amy because there were no “Stop with that excuses” “Pull yourself together” “You cannot break on me”, this Taylor just told a total stranger that she only knew from talking about capes and powers, “It's okay, everyone needs to stop from “climbing the mountain”, and cry from time to time”.

She was glad to have someone that accepted Amy the person, well maybe Taylor did because she had no idea that Panacea the cape was the other side of the same coin for Amy, the one all the people outside this house drool over and the one all the people inside this house has set all their unrealistic goals, but "there was no need to worry" Amy told herself that at least twice a day, "Taylor was as shy and introvert as her", so there was no way in hell she would ask to meet or hang out in real life.  
Even when Amy found herself daydreaming about just hanging out like a normal girl with Taylor, as two good friends would do, something she has been cursed to do only with her sister and only when gallant or others weren't around so they couldn't judge all her actions as Panacea´s.

She looked at the screen as a new message popped up:

Totally_Not_A_Spider: “I´ve been thinking about it a lot, so without beating the bushes, would you like to meet up, tomorrow to see some movie or look at some comics?”

It was absolutely terrifying, albeit fascinating if you watched it unfold outside Amy's mind like a viewer watching a morbid snuff movie, how just a small bunch of words organized in a simple invitation could provoke such a swirl of intense emotions, a swirl so big she was automatically dragged with no resistance.

Her first thought was that she was getting catfished, which was kinda dumb, in retrospect, since there is no way someone knew who she really was, and even if some Tinker or whatever obsessed with her or her sister has found her, she had to admit, Taylor was a really bad try.  
Like yes, Taylor has ended as one of her best, well, actually, her only friend. But if it was actually “catfishing” they never would have gone for a personality like her, because they wouldn't try to bait Amy, the manga and comic obsessed geek that is lonely, but Panacea, the famed, successful member of New Wave, and honestly speaking, Taylor wasn't someone a cape living a perfect life would consider. A cape with clinical depression on the other hand…

Her mind also caught up the little, small, tiny detail that… Taylor didn't know she was Panacea, and unlike the others capes, she wore literally nothing to hide her identity, except a stupid hood, and of course, unless Taylor had lived secluded in a cave far from the hand of God and the touch of civilization, she was gonna recognize immediately one of the most famous power-wise capes in Brockton Bay.  
Well, she had lived in a cave social speaking, but not having friends doesn´t help Amy's case, on the contrary, she was gonna get identified the moment Taylor saw her.  
Would Taylor change knowing her online friend that loved Chainsawman, Berserk, and other weeb shit, was actually a cape? Because Amy really loved how Taylor treated her already…

But deep inside her, Amy knew she needed something like that, God knows how much she had been daydreaming about having someone that really wanted to be friends with her, to do “Amy things”, to leave Panacea in a deep, hidden room, where she couldn't spoil the fun and intimate stuff of a friendship with the stupid expectations and annoyances of a cape´s life, where she didn´t have to listen to Gallant or even Vicky about “double dates”, “social life”, or even “self-fulfilling books” frauds. 

And she knew Taylor was in the same situation as her, rotting in her room most of the time, bored to death, letting the anxiety and depression eat her from the inside… Just thinking about it makes her so sad and angry, and yet she, the fucking cape with powers, hadn´t been able to make the first step, Taylor was the one reaching her, maybe of how desperate she was after this new attack in the highschool.

After a deep and slow breath, Amy thought herself prepared to battle through her anxiety just to let Taylor know she accepted the invitation, and to ask where they were going, simple stuff, but for a shut-in cape with 0 social skills, that was a legendary battle, no, more like horrible torture.


	2. Let´s dance like knives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, chapter 2 is here, I tweaked some things in the Lung after-battle and that just means having Panacea interact early with Skitter for more angst results, hope you like it!!

  
  


Taylor dismissed the roughly forty black widows she had, which were already finished with the abdomen armor panel. After shaking the paint can for some minutes, she sprayed the new part black, integrating it into the whole costume: a simple bodysuit black with some armor padding in the weak points, which she found out about them watching some pics of medieval knights.  
  
She sighed, looking at her finished costume For the plain black look it had, its making had been a logistical hell.  
After some trial and error and documentation, she had settled for a hybrid of banded garden spider and black widow silk for the main bodysuit. She would love to be asked about how she did it, but she was scared the other capes would give her the eye for “farming” spiders and making them work.  
The armor padding was easier to make, with the shells of the biggest beetles she could find glued together with black widow silk into a solid object.  
  
She was pretty proud of the result, and if the sources she had checked weren't written by a crazy spider freak, the spider silk should endure cuts, electricity, and some blows.  
The costume was completed by the mask (with a pair of protective lens, and some old glasses glued to solve the problem of, well, seeing less than a bat), and the protective combo of gloves and boots, which she bought second hand in a “they will be perfect for my costume” drive.  
She had to spend most of her year savings on it, but gazing at how intimidating and cool she appeared in the mirror gave her no regrets.  
  
Going up to her room to wait for the night to go out in costume, Taylor couldn't even try to hide how hyper she was. She was going to make her first appearance as a cape, it was normal that she was frantically moving around her room, even if it was just for a little scouting patrol.  
  
She was already feeling so excited, even with anxiety stinging at the back of her head. It was a good thrill, unlike the feeling she had while waiting hour after hour in class, knowing something bad was gonna happen. This anxiety for something good and exciting, or at least she wanted to think it was going to be that way.  
  
The open chat shone in the middle of the screen. Sometimes Taylor asked herself why she didn't meet up with the only friend she had for a while, especially with them miraculously being in the same town. But every time she asked that question, Emma made her presence known in her mind.  
  
Emma´s betrayal left a hole in Taylor's heart; a huge, festering hole, impossible to heal. The only answer Taylor had found was to cover it and to never let anyone see her getting hurt. To cry alone, to think of her feelings by herself, to do things alone, to believe friendship things were for others, that she didn't fit in, and would never fit in. Because there was something wrong with her.  
  
Talking about them with Amy was one thing. It was “anonymous” and it had no consequences in real life; that was what Taylor liked about their relationship, no one could use it to get even a glimpse at her hole. So, she tolerated Amy's presence inside her “armor”. But to meet in real life was a completely different thing. What if she didn't like Taylor’s appearance? what if Taylor confirmed that there was something in her that the others could see and completely despise?. That the bullies were right.  
  
What if Emma and Sophia saw them and started a stupid gossip about her being a dirty lesbian? What if Amy got hurt because of that bullshit even in her own high school or with her family? Her brain reached to the darkest possible situation: what if Amy betrayed her too, and told everyone her fears? just to amuse herself with that stupid lonely cape freak that thought she could have a friend.  
  
Reality hit her like a wave of cold water. She wanted to be a cape, she in fact was going to make her first appearance in a couple of hours. Was her plan to get paranoid every time another human being, or a cape, for instance, interacted with her? She was sure that fighting crime was worse than asking Amy for a date.  
  
Beetles have to break off their shells when they metamorphose, or they die, forever trapped in a chitin coffin. Taylor stopped for a moment, she was already a geek, there was no need to add “insect freak” into the basket too. But the metaphor held some truth: she had to grow and to face risks if she wanted to become worthy of the hero she saw every time she wore her suit and looked into the mirror.  
  
With a loud sigh, and feeling a heavy burden directly on her shoulders, she started typing the invitation to Amy to hang out; and damn her, she was truly rusty. She didn't remember words being this hard but, after all, the last time she asked something like this was years ago ~~before Emma became a bitch~~ , before Emma decided to burn all the bridges they had built with love and trust. “This is gonna be easier than meeting with a cape at least,” Taylor thought before pressing the enter key.

* * *

  
  
Taylor sat on the asphalt. She did it, she took down Lung. With external help, but she did it. Since she got her powers she had always wished for a moment like this, a moment of glory, but the reality is always cruder. All she felt was the cold in her bones and the exhaustion in every organ of her body. 

She saw the cape arriving on a motorcycle that looked straight up from Tron, and two capes getting off of it. Even in her most self-indulgent fantasy she never imagined meeting Armsmaster. Even if she never had a “hero fever”, she had been an Alexandria fan when she was a kid; although she always attributed it to her mother liking that heroine more than her having a true interest in her. Meeting him made her feel pretty excited, even if she still felt like shit.  
  
“Halt. Friend or foe? depending on that answer, I might bring two people to the protectorate in handcuffs” Armsmaster said with an authoritative tone.  
  
Taylor could feel all her previous joy go down the drain. She expected her first encounter with a cape to be awkward, but not straight up being questioned on whether she was one of the good guys.  
  
“I'm one of the good guys” She slowly answered while raising one hand.  
  
“Well, you look like a villain from a cheap B movie” She heard a chuckle behind Armsmaster and a small figure wearing a white robe matched with a big hood and a scarf, both also white. She didn't have to see her face to recognize her: Panacea, the New Wave healer.  
  
 _Ouch_. Taylor´s heart sank. She knew her costume wasn't awe-inspiring like Armsmaster´s or bright like Glory Girl´s. But she did try to make her mask less threatening by using one of those “cute” tiny jumping spiders as a reference.  
  
“W-well you know, between being handmade and my power being bug related, the r-result was fated to be kinda edgy” She stuttered. Well, seems the social anxiety won't leave her even as an anonymous cape.  
  
“You are new, aren't you?” Armsmaster asked, ignoring Panacea´s comments.  
  
Before she could answer, Panacea interrupted “Of course she is new, she didn't even bother to learn how poison fucking works, it’s so obvious this is her first day out that it hurts” Taylor noticed how cynical and tired her voice sounded, way different from the image New Wave tried to sell.  
  
“To begin with, you filled a human with a cocktail of neurotoxins and cytotoxins-” Panacea lectured her.  
  
“A human that can turn into a metal drake” Taylor tried to defend herself  
  
“If you knew better about your disgusting power, you would have known Lung´s power only turns him more resilient, so he was just enduring the venom, he can´t turn his kidneys into super kidneys or some shit like that” She sounded very annoyed, like if just being there was a huge effort from her part, without adding the part of having to be a teacher “When he turns human again, he’ll find himself attacked by a bunch of toxins that don’t mix well. So you’re welcome for my presence, even if it was just in case Lung’s rampage left people wounded.”  
  
“How the fuck was I supposed to know that?” Taylor barked, offended. She was tired and hurt, and she didn't want to be lectured now.  
  
“You would if you were into the Wards program, that's why we have it” Armsmaster answered her. In his voice wasn't any intent to judge her, he was just being informative.  
  
Taylor could feel her mind lumbering about the Wards environment: she compared it to high school, a place where you need to fulfill tasks to even be considered just valid.  
A place where bullies like Panacea, even though she wasn't in the Wards, could thrive. Where you could get away with worse than Emma and Sophia did to her daily if you just do what they tell you and are “good” in your superior´s eyes.  
  
Taylor wasn't made for that kind of place, she didn't even think she was made to be part of a team of capes. She was very bad with people, especially with fitting in, among many others. She worked better alone in the human world, so she rationalized that it was the same in the cape world.  
  
“W-well, I better leave you with all the paperwork or whatever. You can take all the credit for capturing Lung, I don't want to be public this early” She muttered as she felt the atmosphere became more awkward and got up to start going off the two capes way.  
  
“Clever girl, that will save you a lot of trouble in the long run” Armsmaster comment flew over her head, she was too tired and felt too dumb with this social interaction to even have a try to dissect what the tinker really meant with that. “Want Panacea to explore you and heal whatever needs to be healed?” She could hear the slightly muffled retching that Panacea did after that suggestion.  
  
 _Asshole_ , Taylor thought. “As miraculous as it sounds, I'm actually untouched” Seeing the expression on both of the capes’ faces, she added “Yes, I also find it surprisingly hard to believe” And even if she was hurt, there was no way she would let that bitch touch her. At least not today.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
After at least an hour of slow-paced walking, Taylor got home and went straight to her room, thankful that her father was already asleep; and for not having to explain why she was so late, because she didn't even have a half baked excuse.  
  
Fighting the urge of throwing herself to the bed, she checked what her friend had to say while she was outside. And saw a couple of messages sent around the time she got home.  
  
Breadmaker: Sorry for not talking too much tonight, I had to do some things.  
  
Breadmaker: You know how life is, and after doing them I have no life force left  
  
Breadmaker: Hope you are prepared to meet your nonfunctional disaster friend (joking, well if I do not sleep well it will stop being a joke)  
  
Breadmaker: sending you a good hug, have a good night.  
  
The mention of tomorrow´s, well, today´s meeting made Taylor's eyes spark with a note of excitement and happiness. She was feeling like a kid again because well, her last meet-up with a friend was when she was a kid.  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: No problem, I had the same night, I´m totally broken.  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: Sending you good night cuddles and hugs <3.  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: If we don´t rest, at least I hope we’re not mistaken for zombies by any cape *haha*.  
  
After that, she allowed herself the pleasure of falling directly into the bed. Her mind was excitedly going over the night’s events without a way to stop it.  
  
Until it got to the part where she met the capes. _Assholes._ Taylor always had admiration for them, but when she hated someone’s guts, she found herself thinking that everyone else in their circle were assholes too. But fuck her, if those two weren't a pair of utter assholes today.  
  
She stopped Lung and the only thing she got was a scolding and a subtle invitation to the stupid Wards. She sighed, _you didn't expect this to be easy, did you?._ After all, she survived a fight with Lung, and what perhaps was more surprising, social interaction with two groups of people. Even if the one with the Undersiders was a disaster, since they thought she was a villain, and the other one was… well, it had happened.  
  
She started fighting the thoughts of the Panacea´s stinging comments, leaving her imagination to go wild on how her friend would actually look like, as she dove into a pleasant dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, I didn't expect my stupid first fanfic to reach these numbers. So, I'm glad you like it and I hope I won't disappoint anyone!


	3. What do you want to see?

Taylor woke up groaning in pain. She didn't feel anything right after the fight, but now, without the adrenaline filling her body and the rush left behind, she could feel every bruise and all the damage her body suffered against Lung in detail.  
  
She could feel a dull pain in her left side and the external side of her right thigh, and whenever she tried to take a deep breath she got a surge of stinging pain around her ribs. She guessed she really did get more beaten up than she thought at the beginning. That, or she didn't even want to consider her bruises out of pure aversion to Panacea.  
  
She undressed, thinking that hitting the shower would make her pain tone down a little and clear her mind. She wasn't feeling as gloomy as she had been right before going to bed. She looked at herself in the mirror, naked. She was tall and thin, and even if she was kind of fit thanks to her daily runs and routine exercises, the description anyone would give about her if you asked was ‘lanky’.   
  
She sighed and noticed the bruises in her thigh: a huge dark purple patch where the brunt of the hit was received, that diluted in color to a yellowish tone. That was bad, she couldn't let her father see that in case he suspected something was wrong. She didn't mean her superpowers, of course, but rather the possibility that he could mistakenly attribute the bruises to the bullying. She had enough the last time he got involved, the last thing she wanted was to worry him more. She sighed while getting into the shower.  
  
Even with the bothersome start, the morning was having, Taylor was feeling pretty optimistic about today. In the shower, she started thinking about last night. She felt a sudden surge of pride bigger than she had ever felt in her entire life; she took down one of the most dangerous villains in the city by herself, after all   
  
_Well_ , she frowned at that lie, _technically a lie,_ since she got help in the form of some villains. Thinking about that night, she identified the group as the Undersiders. Even as a villain group with small numbers, they had made some hits that had called the public eye’ś attention. Their main characteristic was being very flexible and heavy use of the hit and run tactics. She thought of trying to talk about them with the other cape geeks she knows and she was, in fact, going to meet in a few hours to gather info about them.  
  
Covering herself with the towel, she found herself feeling anxious, as she looked into the open closet to fetch some clothes for the meetup. She didn't know what to expect, since this was her first time meeting a friend for so long. So the anxiety building upright when she was preparing herself for it was a surprise. Usually, it was like a constant pressure in her heart, and the feeling that things were going wrong, that she was making a crucial mistake. But this time was a poisonous sting deep in her brain repeating _She isn't gonna like you_ over and over.   
  
She tried to distract herself by choosing an outfit, even if she wasn't the type of girl that, well, knows anything about outfits. She didn't have the kind of body needed to care about that, like Emma or Sophia, and even if she did it there would be no one to impress with revealing clothes. She found herself getting depressed at her combination of grey, black and dark blue t-shirts and jeans.   
  
A sudden question formed inside her head that dispelled all other thoughts: _Why am I trying to impress Amy?_ Taylor stopped in her tracks. She had had some doubts about her sexuality, but since Emma´s betrayal had destroyed all her relationships and social life, she hadn't had the peace of mind to think about relationships. If she couldn't imagine anyone falling in love with her, thinking about what gender she is attracted to was a waste of time.  
  
Taylor also didn't think she wanted to catch Amy´s attention because she was a girl or because she liked her. She was her only friend. Was it that bad to want to look nice for your friend? With her chosen outfit it did not look like that was gonna be the case, anyway. Unless Amy had a fetish for black sweatshirts with grey jeans.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Amy woke up grunting, hitting her bedside table with clumsy slaps until one finally hit the alarm clock and turned it off. She didn't wake up immediately after that, preferring to laze around in her sheets, until she heard the firm knock on her door. _There it is_ She thought, Carol, pressuring her to wake up and have her breakfast already, as usual.  
  
She got out of the bed while rubbing her eyes, making her way into her bathroom. After washing her face with cold water to help her snap out of her stupor, she gazed up at her reflection.  
  
“Fuck” She exclaimed. She looked horrible; or well, more horrible than she usually did.   
  
Even after having instantly fallen asleep last night the moment she got home, the effects of a long night in the hospital plus the “favor” Armsmaster asked her for still turned into big bags under her eyes. Nothing her concealer couldn't fix but Amy hated how much her power turned her into a walking medikit from a video game. Just a fucking thing to be used by others, for the “greater good”.   
  
_No one expects legend to be cauterizing flesh wounds in a hospital the whole day or-_ She had to stop herself -frowning- from getting another outburst. She usually had them while playing video games, or she let it all out ranting to Taylor, without adding some little details like having a superpower.   
  
Last night though? That was a petty shitfest.  
  
She sighed while slowly spinning around herself in front of the mirror. She didn't really dislike her body, but she didn't like it either, her “adult curves” as Vicky refers to her sister´s more developed thighs and ass made her look kinda chubby, even if she did know it wasn't the case. That, of course, didn't stop Carol from doing malicious comments that poked at her relatively low self-esteem, even when she knew Amy was already on a diet.  
  
She also didn't like her face. Better put, she hated it, especially since the horrible double date Vicky had set with her and **Dorkblocker**. It was already awkward since what she thought was a girl's night out with her sister ended being a ham-fisted way of trying to pair her with the fucking idiot that thought a dirty pun was a clever hero name. But the lowest part of the night was when the dumb fuck flirted with her at the end of the night saying her face made her look like a tiny cute mouse.   
  
_A TINY FUCKING MOUSE_ She knew that maybe in his simple mind it sounded good, a fucking shame Amy had a huge phobia of those little creatures since she could remember. The sole concept of a tiny animal that crawls fast makes her anxiety, paranoia, and revulsion get into fucking Scion levels, and just remembering that night made her unreasonable angry. And he said her face remembered him of a fucking mouse.   
  
The worst thing is that she could see what he wanted to mean. Her eyes were big, and her nose was slightly upturned. To top it off, her mouth and lips were also small. It didn't help her case that she usually acted frightened or shy around people she didn't trust. That her face reminded her and other people of a creature that she felt disgusted by was truly horrible.  
  
Her physique wouldn't be that much of a problem if it weren't for her sister being the perfect cape. Tall, blonde with a nice teenage figure… Even her fucking power was the kind people fucking loved. Every little girl in Brockton bay wanted to be like her. She was also a people person. Growing in her shadow for more than ten years without developing an inferiority complex would be considered a miracle. _Fuck_ She thought _I'm a petty bitch_.  
  
She let herself tear up a little as she dressed up in a comfy outfit to have breakfast with her family. Last night wasn't a good night, between all the draining things she did, the hospital, Armsmaster… Having to see there´s a fucking cape in her city that controls the most disgusting small creatures that can exist in her psyche, and that she didn't fear to use them with no mercy like that…   
  
Also, what was up with the costume? Did she read Spawn and thought it was a good idea to do something like that but more arachnid-like? All in all, she was a fucking frea-  
 _Fuck,_ There it was, she was already splitting over someone that she didn't know. Just to shift the blame towards anyone that wasn't her because of course her shitty night was anyone's fault except hers. She could have said no to Armsmaster, she could have excused herself from her hospital duty yesterday since she had plans today.  
  
But of course, little Panacea has to use her powers for the greater good. How would she feel if your cancer wasn't cured in time because a girl wanted to do whatever dumb shit fifteen years old girls do.   
  
Her power was for her more of a curse than a blessing. He couldn't have two separate lives like the rest of her family, her power was too useful outside of combat. She needed to be tied to her cape life most of her time, she had to be an actual panacea for the people that needed it. Otherwise, it would have been immoral.  
  
She cleaned her tears on the sleeve of her t-shirt. _I'm truly a petty bitch._ _  
_ _  
_She was going down the stairs to join her family, feeling disappointed in herself. She wasn't like that; or well, she wasn't like that in public. To let a fucking bad day get over her and have an outburst, saying those harsh comments to a random person…  
  
Like yeah, the poor girl had a disgusting power, but Amy also had one, or at least there was one part of her power she considered disgusting… and that girl was trying to do the right thing. Hell, she took down Lung after all.  
  
Fuck, if she didn’t hate having the realization now instead of controlling herself when it mattered. _Well, it wasn't a lost cause_ She told herself. If she was actually a local cape she was gonna end up bumping into her again and she was gonna tell her she was sorry, and that she wasn't truly like that, and try whatever amends were necessary.  
  
It was a plan full of shit but it was a plan nonetheless, and when you are on a train-wrecking ride, anything you could hang on was enough. Just anything to hold the feelings of guilt, embarrassment, and disappointment at bay until she went out to meet Taylor.  
  
She got to the kitchen with her family already eating breakfast. “Good morning” She announced her presence to them as she rushed to fill her bowl with some Scion chocolate star cereals. _How the fuck does Scion have a cereal brand?_ her mind was again filled with the questions she usually asked herself about her sister's favorite cereal brand. She always had preferred the mouse protector honey puffs, but they retired them since the Nine got her. She always got goosebumps when remembering that.  
  
“Finally awake, sleepyhead?” Vicky smiled teasing her as she sat down with them.   
  
She smiled back and answered, “You know it's very hard having a useful power, people always want your help. Of course, I understand that you cannot relate to that”.  
  
Both chuckled, Amy actually adored the sisterly banter. In fact, she missed it, usually, her natural shyness and her sister´s popularity clashed in a way that didn't let her talk with her for most of the day if they weren't at home. Yeah, it would be easy for her sister to just introduce her into her circle of friends. The problem is that she wasn't gonna be able to be herself in that circle, she would have to act as Panacea, and that wouldn't be her best idea of hanging out with “friends”.  
  
Carol looked at her with a little disdain as she drank the last sip of her coffee. She always had a big cup of black coffee as breakfast and nothing more, when Amy was little she thought that was what gave her stepmother _ugh_ her bitterness. She slowly learned that it wasn't the coffee. Carol was just a bad person.   
  
“It's really rare for you to be late for breakfast” Amy could feel the disappointment in Carol´s tone of voice, and how she was judging her. Even if the rest of the family would call her crazy if she told them.  
  
“Well, yesterday was a rough day in the hospital, and there was also the whole Armsmaster thing…” She stopped herself as Carol's bitch eyes didn't stop silently judging her. That wasn't anything new, in her whole 10 years at this house she had never softened the way she looked at her. Below that gaze, she could only lower her head and whisper a muted apology.   
  
She couldn't listen to the rest of the morning conversation, she was too excited thinking about her afternoon plan. Amy caught some glimpses of the talk, like her step-parents being out the whole day after lunch. She didn't catch if it was because of Carol's job, New Wave business, or related to another thing, she cared about neither.  
  
 _Well, fewer problems for me,_ Amy thought, relieved of not having to lie about going to the hospital so she could meet Taylor without objections and lectures.  
  
She watched them prepare some things before going out, hugging and giving goodbye kisses to Vicky. Of course, there was none of that for Amy, and she was used to it. They were never a family, except for Vicky of course; more like a foster home that actually didn’t expect to have her forever.   
  
She never felt loved by her stepparents. They were always too occupied with their jobs, problems, and Vicky to show her anything other than neglect, and she preferred the neglect to the criticism about everything she did that started after she triggered.  
“Hey, can you give me some money to order some food out?” She asked Mark, she actually didn't want to order out since she was gonna have dinner with Taylor in whatever place they wanted, but it was a good excuse to ask for some money for the day.  
  
“W-well maybe…” Mark started to mumble while getting his wallet. She knew how hard he usually tried to act like a father with her and she really appreciated it, but the way he couldn't be stable because of his problems, especially for Amy, made her resent the relationship. And it was for the better that Amy didn't start thinking about how she felt about him blaming her for always refusing to heal his depression.  
  
“You have ready to make food already in the fridge, you know how to use the microwave, don't you?” Carol interrupted him with a sharp tone. Mark looked at Amy with apologetic eyes before putting away his wallet and went after Carol to prepare more things for the trip.  
  
Amy didn’t want to pretend to be a daughter for longer, so she just left for her room with a lame excuse to talk with Taylor and finalize the little details in their meetup.   
  
Breadmaker: Remind me again, where are we gonna meet up?  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: In front of the pet shop, you know the one that is at the mall’s entrance?  
  
Breadmaker: Ah, yeah yeah I know. How can I recognize you?  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: huh… I’m tall, slender, black hair and glasses… and uh, I'm wearing a black hoodie with grey jeans.  
  
Breadmaker: Okay that makes it kinda hard, maybe can you look for me? I'm gonna wear a short black leather jacket and a Red t-shirt, also I'll have two short pigtails.  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: That's fair, I am more of a “generic Sim” than you hahaha, I’ll be the one looking for you!  
  
Breadmaker: Perfect, but don't miss me in the crowd ;;  
  
Totally_Not_A_Spider: I’d rather die than do that!  
  
She smiled, as she always did when talking with Taylor. It would be much easier if Taylor had a phone; but she guessed that between his father being unwilling to give her one and the whole bullying thing, Taylor wasn’t dying to get a phone.  
  
She heard someone rushing upstairs.  
  
“Have you heard of this little invention called knocking? You should try it!” Amy said in a sarcastic tone to Vicky as she saw her sister’s face poking through the door.  
  
“Oh come on! I was gonna give you half the money mom gave me…” Victoria did a slow dramatic turn back to the outside.  
  
“Okaaaay~ wait my dear and beloved sister come to my room without announcing yourself and tell me your crucial and very interesting affairs” Amy answered with a fake flattering tone.  
  
“Thank you sister for being so understanding,” She said in a teasing way while letting herself fall in her sister's bed. After laying in bed for a moment, she offered Amy 25 dollars holding them with just two fingers.  
  
“It's half of what mom gave me” She explained while Amy tried to grab them, right before she could do it Victoria slipped the bills from her grasp with a fast movement and asked “But first, tell me why you wanted the money; you know exactly how they act when you do, so it was something important”  
  
“Promise me this will be a secret between us, a big fucking secret” Amy warned her sister; she knew the question was made out of pure concern over her. It sounded stupid now that Amy thought about it, the cape worried about her cape sister having problems like she couldn’t take care of herself, but that´s “big sister Vicky” for ya!  
  
Amy actually loved counting on her and it was the only reason that she was still, well… There? not like she would actually admit that to Vicky.  
  
“Promiseee~” Vicky answered with the tone of a little kid.  
  
“Today I’m going out…” Amy confessed with a shy whisper that surprised her. She didn’t expect to be that embarrassed about something others would consider normal for a teenager.  
  
“Oh? like going out for groceries? you should have told me and I would have gone with you instead of hanging out with Dean” Vicky said with such frankness in her voice that Amy was surprised _When was the last time she went out without her sister?_ She honestly didn’t know….  
  
“No, like… I’m going out... to do things… you know?” Amy tried to emphasize her words, it’s not like she wanted to keep it secret to her sister; it's just that Amy has been hiding her feelings and hobbies from her family for so long, it had become a reflex.  
  
“I see…” Vicky´s expression turned serious “You know that mom is just teasing you with your weight. You are fine, you just developed early” She kindly smiled, and then enthusiastically added, “But if you want to go hiking for exercise, I can go with you!”   
  
Amy looked at her sister completely deadpan. At what moment, without Amy's notice, had Victoria become such a herbo?  
  
“No Vicky, you see… I’m going out… with someone…” As Amy finally said it, she could see Vicky's face shining with genuine happiness like this was something she'd been dreaming about forever, and was finally coming true. Maybe it really came true.  
  
“WHO IS HE?????” Vicky screamed out of her lungs asking her sister more details about the “date” “TELL ME MORE YOU DAMNED TEASER” She started shaking her little sister to get information.  
  
 _Ugh,_ Amy actually missed Victoria’s gossipy side, but that her sister still thought she wasn’t a lesbian always bummed her out during this type of conversation. She didn’t know how her sister hadn’t even suspected it for more than ten years. She was sure even Gallant and Clockdork suspected it.   
  
“I’m not gonna tell you, idiot!” Amy answered laughing. She knew that Victoria would understand it but she also feared that knowing that she wasn’t into boys made her lose this kind of talk with her sister even if she had a hard time admitting that she actually liked gossiping with her.   
  
“Let me guess then? Is uh… mmm... Dennis? maybe?” Vicky said while playing with one of the cushions Amy had in her bed.   
  
“OH PLEASE OF COURSE IS NOT THAT IDIOT! I HAVE STANDARDS VICKY!” Amy shouted as she struck her sister with a cushion, both of them laughing.   
  
“OKAY OKAY!” Vicky tried to defend her from her sister’s barrage “I’m sure it has to be one of the wards” She said while incorporating in the bed “Am I mistaken?” She sentenced with a cunning smile.   
  
“It’s not even a cape” Amy couldn’t control herself to avoid playing Vicky’s game, it was just so funny to see the acclaimed Glory Girl being so off the mark on who is going to meet up with her shy and introverted little sis.  
  
“Then he is in our high school, I’m sure I know him!” Vicky kept trying.  
  
“No, Vicky, it isn’t someone you know” Amy answered, unyielding to her sister’s pleadings.   
  
“But I know everyone in our high school!” Vicky whined as she started to roll on the bed.  
  
“First of all, it isn’t anyone from our high school, and second, you don’t know everyone in our high school, everyone knows you, you are known in all high schools as a matter of fact!” Amy answered while laughing and standing up “That’s enough Sherlock, I’m gonna shower”  
  
“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you alone but after the date at least tell me how you met,” Vicky said as she got up and went over the door “It just feels unfair that you won’t tell me who your boyfriend is!”  
  
“It’s just a friend, shoo, go away you vermin,” Amy said while clapping at her sister to go already. She couldn’t lie that maybe, sometimes, she had thought she had a little crush on Taylor, but she attributed it to her brain getting confused by finally finding a friend that saw her as Amy rather than panacea after all that time alone.  
  
Amy sighed as she got into the shower, even if she considered it possible to have a crush on someone without seeing them, she was afraid of feeling that small crush going away as she saw Taylor for the first time, she would feel like the worst scum.  
  
As she started bathing, she kept thinking about that stupid feeling of attraction over Taylor; after all, one of her specialties was thinking about things that made her feel bad and it made her feel like the absolute worst.   
  
Love was a difficult and complicated subject. It could leave you totally breathless like a hit right under the ribs, it also could make you warm like a bonfire on a freezy spring night or scorch you if you let yourself get lost in the passion… It also could destroy you, drive you crazy and leave you totally hollow without a way to satisfy that hole deep in your entrails.  
  
For that, Amy buried that little feeling of warmth and butterflies deep in her hubris. There was no need to bring more complications in her already stressful life, especially in the only haven of peace she had left outside Panacea’s influence.  
  
But also, deep inside, deeper than anything, Amy wanted to be in love.  
  
She sighed as she let the hot water wash away all the feelings and thoughts.  
  
  
  
Amy was already doing her makeup when her sister peeked out the bathroom door.  
  
“How’s the little bride doing? Want some help with the makeup?” Vicky asked as she entered, right after checking if Amy was dressed.   
  
“I think I know more than you about makeup” Amy taunted without looking at her sister, busy with getting her eyeliner right, and symmetrical to the other she just did. After a precise strike of the brush, she blinked repeatedly and admired her work in the mirror.  
  
Amy loved makeup, she enjoyed it so much that even after having it forbidden by Carol for the reason of Amy being too young to look like a “harlot”, even though Victoria started using make-up at 15 like she was now. So, despite knowing how Carol would react if she knew, Amy had a hidden stash of makeup courtesy of her big old sister.   
  
And looking at her “magnum opus” in the mirror was making her shed tears of joy. She didn’t try to hide her hated features with the makeup, but to make them glow up.   
  
The red eyeliner over the white eyeshadow highlighted her big eyes but transformed their shy look into an intense gaze. The subtle highlighter in her nose and cheeks made the good factions on Amy’s face stand up, and to top it all off, the black lipstick applied only in her upper lip made her petite mouth look mysterious and mature.   
  
She repressed the need to giggle with enthusiasm, her face didn’t have any of those mouse-like features that she hated, but it instead gave off a vulpine aura which Amy was already in love with; and she was also so full of happiness, because that face in the mirror wasn’t Panacea, nor was it fabricated by others with their idea of what Amy Dallon should be.  
  
The girl in the mirror was how Amy wanted to be seen by her best friend.  
  
And Amy loved it.  
  
“How did you get so good? Your eyeliner is better than mine even, tell me your secrets you harpy!” Vicky said surprised once she took a good look at her sister.  
  
“You know” Answered Amy while smirking “Youtube has a lot of tutorials, you don't have to get all your makeups tips from our cousins”   
  
“Then why do you never put it on? you would be more popular” Vicky’s puzzled face confronted her sister.  
  
“You already know the answer sister, “the pure Panacea wouldn’t do that” Amy replied, saying the last phrase with dramatic disdain doing a ridiculous Carol’s impression   
  
“So..” a playful smile was subtly showing in Victoria’s face “if it's just a friend, why are you so dolled up?”   
  
“Hey now, I’m not going like this because I like someone” She said while getting up to check the bus schedules since she hadn’t done this in a long while, and everything was new and exciting for her. “It’s just my first time meeting someone that really wants to see me” She slowly said, feeling like a puppy trying to explain herself.  
  
Vicky hugged her sister from behind, letting her arms rest on Amy’s shoulders, and kindly said “Okay, okay, I get it” She brought Amy closer to her “I just hope you have fun, and if you need some dating advice or anything, you can call me”  
  
“I know I’m not a child” Amy said while leaving the hug. “I'm going now, I don't wanna miss the bus and be the one who gets there late” As Amy started going outside she shouted, “HAVE FUN WITH DEAN I NEARLY FORGOT, I’LL BE BACK AT TEN!!”  
  
Before she got out of her home, she looked at herself in the entrance´s mirror and she had to repress a little giggle of happiness: she was dressed in a red t-shirt with a zombie design that she bought very excited and couldn’t use till now because it was too “grotesque”, a short leather jacket and a black skirt that didn’t go below her knees that she also dared to combine it with some black tights. She even had a choker in her purse, too afraid to leave the house wearing it.   
  
That was the first time she was going outside as Amy, not as Amy “Panacea” Dallon, just Amy, to see a person that just thought of her like that: just Amy.  
  
She could feel all the anxiety and worries be replaced by sheer happiness and excitement, as she got out of the house with her headphones blasting out the OST of a white-haired katana-wielding game character.  
  
Little did Amy know, that on the other side of the city, her friend was getting on the bus almost with an anxiety attack, thinking about the thousands of things that could go wrong.  
  



End file.
